


words like a loaded gun (shot out from a fire tongue)

by lost_n_stereo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 12:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4222344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_n_stereo/pseuds/lost_n_stereo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on the first couple of interactions between Clarke & Bellamy when she comes back to camp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	words like a loaded gun (shot out from a fire tongue)

It seems like it takes forever for her to come back.

Then one day he’s training some new guard recruits and he sees a flash of gold out of corner of his eye and there she is, strolling through camp with purpose like she hasn’t been gone for three months.

He couldn’t describe the feeling in the pit of his stomach if he was asked but he’d guess it’s a little bit of everything. Joy. Hate. Resentment.

Love.

He pushes that thought deep down and gives her an easy smile when she makes her way over to where he’s standing.

“Welcome back, Clarke.”

The smile she gives him is fake and doesn’t reach her eyes.

***

He’s really surprised that it takes almost a week for the fight to happen.

It’s late, practically midnight, and he’s on perimeter duty. Basically all he has to do is walk the perimeter a few times with his rifle at the ready but there hasn’t been any movement outside the walls in months so he’s not really worried about anything happening tonight.

He doesn’t expect to see Clarke standing near the gate and he’s not really sure why it instantly makes his blood boil.

Probably because the last time she stood in front of this gate she kissed his cheek and then left him to deal with everything by himself.

“What are you doing out here, Clarke?”

It comes out meaner than he intended for it too and he feels a little bad when she jumps at the sound of his voice.

“Jesus, Bellamy. You scared me.” She’s holding her hand to her heart and he wants to roll his eyes at how dramatic she’s being.

“What are you doing out here?” He repeats again only this time he tries his best to tone down the anger that’s bubbling up inside him. It’s like seeing her here has brought up months of things he’s been trying his hardest not to think about.

You know, like how they pulled a lever together that caused the loss of too many innocent lives.

Things like that.

She sighs and wraps her arms around herself. “Couldn’t sleep. It’s a little weird sleeping in a real bed again.”

He can’t stop himself from saying, “Well that’s what happens when you take off for weeks, I guess.”

If he was a lesser man he’d probably be scared of how dark her eyes are when she fixes him with a cold glare. “I had to leave, Bellamy.”

“Bullshit.”

Her eyes are so wide it’s almost comical. “It’s not bullshit. I couldn’t deal…”

She recoils a little when he barks out a harsh laugh. “You’re right,” he says. “You couldn’t deal with what we did. You just left me to deal with it. Alone.”

Clarke won’t look him in the eye, just stays quiet and keeps her gaze trained on the ground. Fine, if she doesn’t want to talk he will just have to carry this conversation on his own.

“Do you think about what we did, Clarke? Because I do. Every fucking night. I think about those kids, those people whose only crime was being alive.” She let’s out a strangled noise and he thinks she might be crying but he’s so angry that he almost doesn’t care. “We did that together, Clarke. And those nights when I just needed someone to understand what that felt like, I had no one. Not a single fucking soul in this world knows that feeling. Except you.”

She’s got tear tracks down her cheeks when she finally looks up at him and he hates himself when the first thing that crosses his mind is that she still looks beautiful.

“All I’ve done since we came down here is try to take care of everyone else,” she says and her eyes are watery but they don’t leave his. “I dealt with all of that alone too, Bellamy. Only I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone at all. At least you had Octavia and…”

“Don’t!” He holds up his hand and she takes a step back at his tone. “Don’t try to make yourself feel better by pretending that I had it good here just because I was surrounded by other people. If anything, that just made it worse.”

“Why?”

Her voice is so small he barely hears the question and he fights the part of him that wants to say fuck this fight and pull her into his arms.

“Fuck, Clarke.” He sighs and runs his hand over his face. His anger is fading fast and turning into exhaustion. “Because no one gets it. I mean, maybe your mom or Kane would but we’re not really best friends that share secrets, you know.”

That earns him a watery laugh from her and he can’t help that it makes him smile a little.

“I’m sorry I just left,” she says and just like that he forgives her. She doesn’t need to apologize to him but it feels good that she did.

Instead of tell her all that he just shrugs. “You did what you needed to do.” It basically goes against everything he said in the beginning of this argument but he knows that people deal with things in their own way. He can’t punish her forever. He doesn’t want to.

She starts to sniffle again and and he chuckles a little before he’s reaching out to pull her against him in a hug. He feels her body stiffen a little in surprise and then she relaxes and puts her arms around him.

“Quit your crying,” he says against her hair and she laughs quietly and clasps her hands together at the small of his back. They just stand there like that for a minute, her hands on his back and his arms wrapped around her shoulders, and it’s crazy but he thinks maybe this is what he needed all along.

He fights the urge to wipe her tears off her cheeks when she pulls away because it’s not something he’d normally do and she probably wouldn’t let him anyway.

***

“Cadets! When I tell you to be somewhere, you need to be there. Do you understand?”

He hears a little chuckle from behind him and he rolls his eyes when Clarke makes her way to where he’s currently running drills with his squad.

“Very authoritative, Officer Blake.”

Bellamy narrows his eyes at her. “You know, if you keep interrupting my drills by making fun of me, I’m going to lose all respect from my squad.”

He’s trying to be serious but the look on Clarke’s face, her lips pursed together like she’s seconds from losing it, just makes him shake his head and then they are both laughing.

“I’m headed to the mess hall,” Clarke tells him after he turns to tell the cadets they are done for the day. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner.”

“What? Like a date?” He scoffs but when he looks at her she’s just blinking up at him. “Oh. Yeah…um…yeah. Sure.”

The smile she gives him is gorgeous. “Okay. Good. Let’s go.”

He follows her mostly because she heads towards the mess hall before he does but he thinks, not for the first time, that he’d probably follow this girl anywhere.


End file.
